Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
