I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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