and you said cock pushups were impossible
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
