hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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