I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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