I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
