Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
