her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
