I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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