Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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