I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
