WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
