At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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