and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
