either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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