Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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