I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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