I feel like I'm in dance class right now
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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