I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
