our cab driver is having phone sex.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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