I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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