There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
