ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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