Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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