I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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