somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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