So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
