so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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