dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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