I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
