is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
