ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
