i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
