Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
