no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
