The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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