It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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