i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
