Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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