They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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