Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
