I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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