Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
