she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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