I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
