It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
