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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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