There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
