I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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