I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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