So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
